Exalted: Modern – Headlines, Week Two

July 11, 2011

Further headlines from the fictional Exalted: Modern setting.  Once again, these headlines are fiction.

Superhuman Phenomenon Sweeps Globe

Headlines from every major news outlet all say the same thing: a rash of bizarre, unexplainable phenomena has been occurring across the planet.  Random individuals have suddenly and inexplicably displayed abilities and characteristics that seem impossible.  Recorded symptoms include exceeding conventional physiological limitations regarding strength and speed, sudden and startling insights, and radiating a brilliant, golden light.  Experts have been unable to provide any conclusive scientific explanation for these phenomena, though wilder hypotheses have been posited by religious and political organizations worldwide.  For now, readers are advised to use extreme caution if encountering these superhuman individuals, as many are considered extremely dangerous. 

Pope Denounces Superhumans, Commits Suicide

Pope Benedict XVI issued a public statement Sunday, officially denouncing the recent rash of superhumans in the name of the Catholic Church.  He claimed these individuals were, “not agents of God, not angels, and not to be trusted.”  Religious furor ensued, as opposing factions within the Vatican began a heated debate that would turn into a riot that lasted for twelve hours.  The riots ended when Pope Benedict XVI hurled himself from the balcony of the Vatican Church, falling to his death.  His successor, Pope Implacable I, was named within minutes by the Sacred College of Cardinals.  How this will affect the Catholic Church as a whole has yet to be determined.

Hawaiian Volcanoes Concern Geologists

Hawaiian seismic activity continues to concern noted geologists Monday morning, even as the weekend’s frightening volcanic activity begins to subside.  Mauna Loa, as well as Mauna Kea and Kilauea, all threatened to erupt late last week, despite seismic and geological reports that all three were mostly dormant.  Mauna Loa, in particular, was close to eruption, prompting the evacuation of the nearby town of Hilo.  Though all three volcanoes have fallen silent as inexplicably as they first began to erupt, experts advise caution for those living in their vicinity.  The islanders, meanwhile, are taking the danger in stride, planning a revival of ancient festivals to venerate Pele, a volcano goddess prominent in Hawaiian mythology.

Troop Casualties in Iraq Drop Nearly Eighty Percent

Reports of violence against U.S. and U.N. military personnel in Iraq dropped nearly eighty percent over the last month, experts say.  Local sources claim that attacks resulting in military fatalities have ceased entirely, and an estimated ninety percent of the remaining attacks result in only minor injuries.  When asked to theorize as to the cause, researchers were unwilling to comment.  Local military personnel, however, attribute the cause to Colonel Markus “the Lion” Lector, a long-time officer in the Iraqi conflict zone and a staunch supporter of Iraqi integration.  Colonel Lector was unavailable for interviews.


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